Unapologetic & Outlander

I have been awesomely and brutally reminded recently how I MUST stop apologizing, especially when someone is taking offense.

One woman encouraged me after I confessed I had deeply offended someone and was worried about it, "That's their problem," she said, "if they're very offended you can say 'I'm sorry you feel that way', but don't apologize for you."

"Finally Sam!" Was another response when I fought back instead of being complacent.

When I worked with Johno in Paris, he did his best to verbally beat the reflexive "sorry" out of me and that same "sorry" has weaseled it's way back into my life in an over abundant way. As a server I feel like I have to apologize a lot during a shift. Sorry about this and Sorry about that, when really I could get by with saying it less because these days I say sorry for EVERYTHING!

Soooorry: 'Excuse me, I need to pass'

Sorry?: 'I didn't hear you'

Sorry: a knee jerk reaction to basically anything that causes anyone discomfort. 

So with these extra forces re-affirming me that the "sorry" has got to go, I also recently read a novel with an unapologetic female lead, who takes 600 pages before her first "I'm sorry"!! That was a big eye opener for me.

If you're looking for a nice big book to keep you warm for the winter, Outlander heats up quite quickly. It mostly takes place in 1743, but don't be deceived, it's fun and adventure, not someone droning on about history. There are fun facts about history sprinkled into the book but it's more about a strongly opinionated woman from the 1940's living in the 1740's. It's a lighter read than most of the books chosen for book club which made it seem like a vacation to journey with Clair. 

On the author's website in the description of the book Diana Gabaldon says:

"What I used to say to people who saw me sitting outside a store with a pile of books and asked (reasonably enough), “What sort of book is this?”, was, “I tell you what. Pick it up, open it anywhere, and read three pages.  If you can put it down again, I’ll pay you a dollar.” I’ve never lost any money on that bet"

I found that to be true. I was hesitant to read the book, despite hearing it was fun and having a whole 600+ pages to read for book club, but once I opened and read the first pages I was drawn in. 

I think what I found most disappointing in the book are the actors on the cover. I actually took a better look at the faces a few chapters in, still wondering who the people on the front were supposed to represent and laughed. "Nope, that's not Clair and Jamie." went through my head and I probably rolled my eyes at the possibility. No chance.

If you miss reading Game of Thrones, miss having a page turner in your hands, and aren't afraid of some sex scenes, then take the leap and try this out. *I also think this would make a good gift* I don't want to give any spoilers so I'll just end by saying I think the lead, Clair, is pretty kick-ass.

Tree planting (part 2)

On my best numbers day of hitting 3000 trees, I got a rush of adrenalin from pushing myself so hard; mind, body, spirit. I had conquered much inner resistance, my sankara's. I had pushed through everything and felt like I was ready for anything.

bunch of butterflies

I spent the first weeks of planting with lots of breaks. For me it was hard to remember it was still a job and to manage my time wisely. I was basking in the non-responsibility of it all. I didn't have to worry about sinking boats, or other people's land and property, no one was asking anything of me, and I was pretty content.

frog bum

One of my tree runner's, Teddy (the person who makes sure you have enough trees to plant in your land), stopped asking me about how many trees I'd planted and instead asked "Okay Sam, what did you see today?" The list has gotten pretty long, "A big blue jay today". I've seen bunnies, frogs, toads, birds of all colours, butterflies galore. My best find, that I am most proud of was 3 lunar moths after a light rain. As soon as I saw it I dropped everything, ran to get my phone with a camera and ran back to take a photo. I continually gave thanks for seeing beautiful land that maybe only 100 people would ever get to see. Growing up in a big city I'm used to land that gets trod on by thousands of people every day. My favourite thing was finding little pockets, like a perfect sitting rock in the middle of ten foot poplar with wild flowers attracting butterflies.

two lunar moths

Pre tree planting I thought seeing chopped forests with scattered piles of macerated wood, called slash piles would be what moved me to tears. "So you go in and plant after they've raped the land?" one friend asked over the phone (who uses toilet paper, paper towels, and stationary like the rest of us). I was angry about the concept of clear cutting but seeing (Northern Ontario) up close, mother nature is resilient and makes lush green spaces no matter how harshly you cut away. There would be other things to make me cry. One of my planting partners Steph, and I, made lots of jokes about the land, we keep fucking mother nature all day long, pounding our shovels into the earth, sliding our fingers in to put that tree in deep, she keeps batting us away with swarms of bugs, slaps in the face with poplar branches, biting us with rocks, always putting up the better fight, leaving us a little more wounded for the next day. Her cruelest trick is wasps allowed to live in the ground.

Frog on slash

The last week of planting snuck up on me and my procrastination determination sunk in. I was ready to have my best week and give my all. I hated seeing my name near the bottom of the list when the totals were printed, I was working, but not like a hardcore tree planter (I could get 1000-1500 trees in and be satisfied. Where other rookies around me were hitting 3000-4000) My Tuesday started like no other. I didn't have my shovel or my planting bags, I was passed a message in the morning that my gear was in the truck that had left earlier. When I got there though, no bags, not even extra bags, and no shovel. I sat for two hours under a tarp and had a nap. Most people can hit at least 300-600 trees in that time, and I was napping. I was passive aggressive and doing my best to not care, "That's a total days break for me anyway, who cares? I don't like planting anyway…" Then some bags and a shovel came. Bags are not instantly one size fits all. They need to be adjusted at the hips and shoulders. Thankfully it was a nice shovel, short and angled. I bagged up (counted out bundles of trees and put them into two side bags. I keep my right side bundles wrapped in their cellophane because my shovel stays in my right hand. I unbundle the trees in my left side bag, so my planting hand can easily grab the loose trees. The bundles are usually 20-25 one year saplings of black spruce or jack pine.) and I went to make my line in.

photo credit - Taylyn

I hate this part, starting at the front, looking for some kind of random direction marker in the distance and just hoping it's kind of straight (but it ALWAYS veers) this was a super shallow piece and I hit the back line (where the natural forest starts) really quickly. You don't plant in the forest but there can be some pockets to fit a couple trees. I peered in, I thought just three trees would fit (6ft apart) when my flight reaction kicked in. Pain seared in my hand and I instantly dropped my shovel, wasps were at me. More blasts to my legs and I was running, tearing off my bags so I could get back to the road. Screaming and swearing and crying. They got my shovel hand right between the thumb and pointer finger. My leg had three stings too and were already starting to swell. I hobbled back to my cache (where I had napped earlier) sobbing with "Fuck!" flying furiously. I put on some Icy Hot muscle relief (best bug after-bite) swore some more and went back to find my shovel. I already had a two hour break, I had no excuse to not plant, wasps unfortunately are part of the job. I spent the next few hours raging with anger. "How come I was here? I'm obviously the stupidest person in the world thinking I can do this, this is not a job for me." I got so fed up I dropped my bags and just walked on the bush road, "I'm quitting, I don't care if there's only a week left. Fuck it all." I said to no one as I picked my bags back up and hauled ass. I planted 2225 that day, a personal best and started two hours late and still had breaks. Yes I would be back tomorrow.

It's pretty but imagine planting trees in that...

At the beginning, the hardest thing about tree planting for me was making quick decisions and then committing to that decision. You plant a tree, take a step and make a new hole 6ft away, but land is not anything close to a perfect field and you have to choose where your tree is going to go, is there nutrient rich soil, is it going to be to close to the last trees you planted? I would hesitate where to throw my shovel and that is the worst time waster. Or I would throw in my shovel and renege. The days that I was angry I stopped being a perfectionist and pushed myself through the hesitation. The first day I hit 3000 trees I knew I conquered that hesitation and knew I could hold onto that for other projects to come. And boy do I have a list of projects.

swamp flower

So tree planting was hard because of the bugs and the wasps and the ever changing temperature. It was also hard to push myself everyday, to not take a break, to think quickly, to commit to my decision, to not compare myself to other planters. It was also extremely rewarding. You don't have a boss telling you what to do. You get to be outside in nature all day long. You are exposed to fun and ridiculous moments every day you go to work. Every tree planter thinks of quitting and how much they hate it, but more often then not the tree planters come back to push themselves through another year. To enjoy in the lifestyle that you get accustomed to out in the bush with all the familiar friendly faces. You get the satisfaction of knowing you're doing something great, planting trees, and making money that you don't have a chance to spend until after you're done. You can treat it like a sport, as a job, as a way to put your whole life on hold for a few months. It truly was an unforgettable experience.

I've been describing these as 'what faeries would ride'

Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

This week, I decided to take on two very different books. Both were given to me some time ago, and were staring at me from my shelf saying 'either pass it on, or read it'.

On The Shoulders Of Atlas, is a financial book, that tells the story of how many advisors it takes to sell a family business, that is now worth millions. Unless you like reading business books, or are in that situation, I really wouldn't recommended it, as the information wont be relevant. I almost always find those details interesting, so I'm sure that's how I came into possession of this book in the first place.

The Complete Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi, is a graphic novel, and a fantastic read! So smart and funny, the author tells what feels like a candid, humorous, true account of her growing up, while giving insight into the intricacies of Iran, without making it complicated. The drops of wisdom given through the characters is heartwarming and inspiring. A great story and a great gift.

There's an interview done with the Author through the Washington Post that you can read here. Reading the interview and this account of her life, makes her seem like someone who always speaks her mind, and always speaks her truth. I want to put Marjane Satrapi, on my list of people I'd love to have a cup of tea with, in a smoke filled cafe in France.

An excerpt from Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi 

Adventure Divas by Holly Morris

"Don't judge a book by it's cover" was a bit hard, when it came to seeing this in a book bin at BMV. I hugged it to my chest and could hardly wait to dive in. 'Adventure Divas' with dusty trail shoes, exactly what I needed after this long adventure I've just taken. It affirmed for me that I really need to write a book about my year of travel from Sept 2011 to Sept 2012.

This book is about writer, producer, Holly Morris and her long adventure of filming 'Adventure Divas' the tv series, with her plastic sidekick, Sky Prancer. In the first chapter I thought I was going to have to drink four espressos to keep up with her, but it gets a better flow as it goes on and punches you with excitement.

I have a new list of destinations and inspirations from this book. There are now so many quotes highlighted and pages dogeared, it will be a hard book to leave behind when I start my next adventure. Here is just one quote that explains the type of diva Holly gets to interview:

Gloria Rolando - "For me, a diva is not something that lives in the sky. It is a woman who lives on the earth. It is a woman who suffers, is a woman who dreams, is a woman who wants to struggle. If you ask me if I am a diva, I don't know; but I am a warrior. And the main quality of the diva-warrior is not to be scared of life. Not to be scared of the difficulties. Whether you have support or not, whether you have money or not, you need to have a spirit."

Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson

I have finished the monstrosity that is the Steve Jobs Biography. The last chapter sounds like the pitch to publishers, and if you want the summary of the whole book that's all you need to read. I got through the obsessive repetition; exact sentences are copy-pasted throughout the whole book. Obviously there was a push to be on the market days after Jobs' death, but with his only perfection attitude, he's surely rolling in the grave. I was hoping it would end with 'he died on a Tuesday, yadda yadda, explain funeral, yadda yadda' but no, the ending is a disappointing drawn out recollection of mini uninteresting interviews with his kids followed by more bland summary description.

I enjoyed reading about Jobs' philosophy, the whole A players only want to play with A players, B players must not be tolerated. Then the idea that integrated systems is best, collaboration between each department creates a synergy for a product, and a reputation for excellence, nothing less. I've read a lot of business and management books, and Jobs' recipe is the opposite to a Politically Correct and Human Resources friendly work environment.

There are some good nuggets, like the Pixar story, dating Joan Baez, and finding out he had a sister when he finally sought out his birth mother, but unless like me, you love and are passionate about the intersection of art and technology, or leaving behind a corporate legacy, you'll probably rue the day you picked up this heavy book about the life of a narcissist. I look forward to a racy retelling or a handbook just filled with Steve Jobs quotes.

Book Challenge 2012

So, I didn't reach my goal, didn't even get halfway. Sometimes standing at where you want the finish line to be, and looking back at where you are, in accomplishing your goal, is gross. I wanted to read 50 books this year, and I read a sorry 20. Standing at the moment I made the goal and writing '50' and thinking "really? The most I've read in a year was 25 and now I'm doubling it!?". Standing at that point, I think 20 is a decent first year yard stick amount. There's always next year, to see how close I get to 50. So here is the final list, the books I read and the ones I didn't get to in 2012...

Book Challenge 2012

In full book nerd fashion I have signed up for a book challenge, I counted once and read 25 books in a year, but I love a challenge so thought I'd go for 50 books this year.

If you love books too you'll probably love Bookfessions a tumbler of great book-confessions and check out my Best Book Shelves pinterest board if real books make you ooh and ahh and sigh.

For all you ebook lovers, haters, inquisitors I have a kobo and I love it.

If you just can't get enough, during the month of April I am putting some of my favourite quotes about books on pictures I've taken on my Quotes Blog

If you have any of the titles below that are marked with a * in ebook form and want to send it my way I'd love to gobble it up!

Currently at 20/50

Here's my list:
1-4. Game of thrones series a Song of Ice and Fire books 2,3,4,5 (Finished book 1 in 2011) By George R.R. Martin (review)
5. Harry Potter (in Spanish) J.K.R(review)
6. Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson currently reading
7. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy currently reading
8. The Second City Unscripted By Mike Thomas (review)
9. Lamb By Christopher Moore (review)
10. The Big Short:Inside the Doomsday Machine by Micheal Lewis
11. Me Talk Pretty One Day By David Sedaris (review)
*12. I'm with the Band: Confessions of a groupie By Pamela Des Barres
13. The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath By Sylvia Plath
14. Love Stories By Mary Roberts Rinehart
*15. The Wealthy Barber Returns By David Chilton
*16. Still Life with Woodpecker By Tom Robbins
17. What the Dog Saw By Malcom Gladwell
18. Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life By Steve Martin
*19. The Snows of Kilimanjaro and other stories By Ernest Hemingway
20. The adventures of Huckleberry Finn By Mark Twain
21. The adventures of Tom Sawyer By Mark Twain
22. Of Mice and Men By John Steinbeck
23. Stories I Only Tell My Friends By Rob Lowe
24. The picture of Dorian Grey By Oscar Wilde
25. The Paris Wife By Paula McLain (review)
26. The invisible Man By H.G. Wells
*27. Happy Accidents By Jane Lynch
28. Dead Souls By Nikolai Vasilievich Gogol
29. Tell me your dreams By Sidney Sheldon
30. Wuthering Hights By Emily Bronte
31. Seriously... I'm Kidding By Ellen DeGeneres
32. On the Road By Jack Karouac
*33. As the Crow Flies By Jeffery Archer
34. The Iliad By Homer
35. Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! (Adventures of a Curious Character) By Richard P. Feynman
36. Tuesdays with Morrie By Mitch Albom (review)
37. The Secret Places of the Heart By H.G. Wells
38. The Sisters Brothers By Patrick deWitt currently reading
39. The Metamorphosis By Franz Kafka
40. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks By Rebecca Skloot
41. The Scarlet Letter By Nathaniel Hawthorne
*42. Fountainhead By Ayn Rand
*43. Then Again By Diane Keaton
44. Emma By Jane Austin
45. A Moveable Feast By Ernest Hemingway (review)
46. A Literary Paris by Jamie Cox Robertson (review)
47. The WAR of ART by Steven Pressfield (review)
48. The Snake Charmer by Jamie James (review)
49. An Awesome Book by Dallas Clatton (review)
50. The Professor and the madman by Simon Winchester (review)
51. The Proving Ground by G. Bruce Knecht (review)
52. Heart Thoughts by Louise L. Hay (review)
53. The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell with Bill Moyers currently reading
54. The five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom
55. The world is flat by Thomas L. Friedman
56. Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
57. To the lighthouse by Virginia Wolf currently reading

Please message me your favorite reads of the year, or any you'd recommend.
Happy reading in 2013!

Cheat sheet of inspiration

We ALL get down, we ALL get mopy, EVEN ME: Ms. Positive-Spin-for-everything. I've been known to wallow watching An Affair to Remember (the 1957 makes me cry every time), Grey's Anatomy and Gilmore Girls.

I've also been known for 'Dance it Out' moments and '30 second dance party' inspired by Grey's Anatomy (usually without the tequila), combined with the phrase 'dance like no ones watching'. Pick a dance song and just give 'er! If anyone's around they have to join in and it usually ends in a pile of laughter, the ultimate best medicine. If nothing else you get some endorphins. You're responsible for your own comfort no matter where you are or who you're with.

I would like to share with you my master list of links HERE

A Pilgrim’s Perspective By Jenn Ambrose

My awesome Camino friend Jenn was recently published in www.americanpilgrims.com
I've mentioned Jenn in a previous post Will you walk with me to the ends of the earth . I hope you love this article as much as I do...

A Pilgrim’s Perspective By Jenn Ambrose

The night before I leave for Roncesvalles, I am furiously typing to my best friend: “What if it’s just a walk? What if there isn’t anything more? What if I’m trying to make meaning, and there really isn’t any?”

After four and a half long years of college I had become jaded and stuck in the world of conceptual rhetoric that comes with the ivory tower of higher education. I needed exposure to the tangible and the real, a lesson in existential geography where my learning was based in relationships instead of study guides. So, I fell victim to the same serendipity that has brought many pilgrims to the Camino de Santiago.

I had an incredible 30 days of walking 400 miles of the Camino. I found a rhythm that brought my feet to the path hours before I would have even questioned if I wanted to get out of bed that day. I met people who seemed to arrive in my life exactly when I needed them to, challenging and altering my perspectives of achievement and value. Every day, autumn leaves in the resting vineyards of La Rioja and the enchanted forests of Galicia would whisper of change and beauty.

I reached Santiago in a state of gratitude and elation that was to be expected; yet I had no sense of completion. The cathedral was beautiful, but I continued west. For three more days I walked, and at the sight of the ocean, I suddenly felt like I had walked a long way. I was overcome with something I will never attempt to explain, and wrote this:

I reach a crest and see the end of my pilgrimage. It is not a construction of man whose importance or glory has to be taught from an early age and constantly reminded by images, books, or lectures; no, it is a place whose glory is so immense that it cannot be captured in images, books, or lectures, even when we try. Meaning does exist. And we attempt to explain it with words. When our metaphor of language fails to communicate meaning, it is not that meaning doesn’t exist. It’s that our language is inadequate. 

The Camino gives space for a visceral voice to arise, one that is usually clouded by thoughts. May we all seek a truth and meaning that is grounded in our experiences. Buen Camino.✦

For the full publication click here

Living in Paris

So it's been a little surreal to realize I've been here for a month. Having met a great group of new friends at work I'm getting to dive right into the city. I've been to an art exhibit of a famous Parisian photographer, been introduced to some nice vintage shops, not to mention a great sangria place and a Canadian bar for poutine when I get homesick.
I am already practicing my french every day and have an art class and dance class in the works to start once my pay check comes in.
All I'm missing is a yoga mat but I feel pretty set up.
Even though I've been working full time since I landed I've been able to visit the louvre twice already as it's only a fifteen minute walk from work.

I get asked a lot at work,

"What, you're not a student? Why Paris?"

Since seeing a documentary on A&E about the Louvre when I was a teenager I've always wanted to come to Paris and explore it. I've been to the Louvre countless times now with different people always promising myself I would come there alone and 'absorb the art' I don't really care how silly it might sound now because I'm actually doing it. When I saw the documentary though, explaining how during the war all the paintings were hidden away all over the world and then all paintings were returned I thought it was an amazing testament to humanity. During a time of war art was preserved and people worked together putting themselves at risk so we could appreciate these masterpieces ages later. The Louvre itself is also a work of art and the documentary made claim that if you spent something like five minutes in front of each piece it would take a lifetime to see everything. Other sources say it takes five full weeks to appreciate and three months for hard-core arty's. Thankfully my EU passport and age allows me to visit the Louvre for free instead of the 10€ per visit.

My second reason for 'Why Paris' (if another reason is really needed) is to learn French! I learn language best by jumping into the deep end and being forced to practice daily. Making a million mistakes, having an abundance of people to ask questions of and have constantly correct me speeds up the process. It makes me feel like I'm always making progress no matter how laboriously my sentences come out.

***
Last night, Michel Gondry was a big subject of conversation (and I wasn't the one to bring him up!). He is one of my favourite directors and an inspiration for having a life filled with art, magic, constant playfulness and inspiration while having a career. Even though I have a minefield of inspiration that I rely on I'm also looking for people I may have never heard of. If you know of someone inspiring and amazing the way Michel Gondry is, please send their name my way.

ps. Hope everyone had a Happy Valentines Day! ♥ xox