the torture of being spoiled

It's been so hard to write this, because every time I do my tummy starts to rumble and I head to the kitchen, looking for goodies instead of continuing, but I'll try to explain my situation, the torture of being spoiled…

So there I was, sitting at the Calypso Cantina, flipping through a laminated menu. Passing through all the pages of what I could have, I couldn't pick what I wanted.
"I'll just have what you're having", I finally said with a sigh.
"What have you been eating out there?" Brandon asked.
'Out there' being Casa Cayuco on Bastimentos, it's rare to actually be in town going to restaurants.
"Well you know, whatever Sue makes. I don't have to really decide",  I say gesturing to the menu. I start to gaze off into the distance and get a glazed look in my eyes. "Yesterday, wow she made this really cool thing" my mouth starting to water, "it was so good, it was like mashed potatoes but with garlic and really creamy, but not too creamy, but smooth, and, Oh! The night before that though, there was fish that was fresh caught and she cooked it in these different spices, but it wasn't spicy, but then I added hot sauce. Oh and the appetizers, there were these fresh kind of spring rolls, with…" I feel the saliva building up as I can't quite fully describe one meal before jumping to another. "and the things she does with onions, I'm already a fan of onions, but she makes some that are sweet, oh and garlic aioli, she makes all her own stock and sauces. I like that nothing goes to waste, and..."
"Yes, we're ready" Brandon says to the server I don't realize is waiting behind me.
I close the menu, and remember what Jenn says about 'Cheating on your food' by talking about past meals in front of your present one. I enjoy my meal and can't help but recall a lot of other great things I've eaten.

"Is there anything you haven't liked?" Brandon asks.
"Well…" I have to think for a moment, then again just launch into other distracted monologue of dishes I've loved. "I guess I don't like that I don't really cook for myself anymore." I finally say, admitting that having Sue as a chef I will eat anything without hesitation (even crunch on shrimp with tail and shell on) and I've even enjoyed, and look forward to her pulled pork, alert the veggie police.

Then a break of no guests leaves me alone in the kitchen to fend for myself. I just end up making mostly salads and pasta and Spanish tortilla, with much appreciated emails from Sue about where all the good stuff is, chocolate pudding, babaganush, chips fried in coconut oil. I didn't finish the babaganush because I ate all the chips first, but I did polish off a whole container of the best chocolate pudding I've ever had (excuse me while I go raid the fridge).

I'm often compared to an 18 year old boy for how much I pack away. I just can't refuse great, lovingly prepared, fresh food, I need to eat it. My biggest weakness is cookies, and I try to hold back, but usually any visit to the kitchen has me sniffing on top of the fridge for any extra home made ones, ginger, peanut butter, lemon shortbread, I make it my mission to make sure no cookie goes to waste.

Now, being spoiled at the bar, I can have any cocktail I wish, whenever. I can grab a ginger ale and just walk away. I've gotten so used to just grabbing a drink and walking away, and that's exactly what I did by accident when I went to Bocas.
"I'll have a coke, thanks." I didn't pay, but just took my drink and walked away. Thankfully I hadn't gotten far before I remembered I wasn't at 'home' and promptly walked back to hand over some cash.

Brandon came over Saturday, and as he was eating dinner I realized, "Wow, that's the same thing you had last time, isn't it? That's really unlucky." I stated.
"Really? She doesn't just have a set menu that she repeats?" he asks, as he reaches onto my plate for more, unphased that he's having the same dish twice.
"Ha, no, a few things I've had twice for sure, but it's all based on what she actually has, she can't actually pre-make a weeks menu, she can't predict when someone will catch a Red Snapper or ..."
"I just realized... that's what you had last time, isn't it?" Sue comes over to us and asks.
Brandon makes to nod, "Yeah, but it's great" he says between bites.
"Hmm..." and then a moment later he has a small plate of tiny portions of leftovers, the onions I talked about, a bit of pulled pork, cabbage salad, some kind of garlic patty thing.

Well, lunch has just been served, and I've been tortured by the smell of it for a while, so I'll be heading back to the kitchen...

The Unexpected Visitor Revealed

So the 'someone' from my last post is my mom! After she got caught up on the important things, like how I hardly ever wear shoes, now have tattoos, and has met the new beau, we had lots of beer and wine, and lots of scrabble playing. Our combined score is just under 600 but "those were interrupted by lots of catching up and basically practice games" says my mom.

She's a very excited-about-everything vacationer, from being a die hard fan of the Casa granola, which is a staple for my breakfasts, to becoming the next spokesperson for great mattresses and fitted mosquito nets. I'm happy to see her relaxing on the dock and settling in nicely with the bugs. The occasional bursts of "GHA! What was that?" remind me of my first nights of jungle life (see Does the jungle love me?) and how easily I live here now.

We've talked about my early influences of Panama, and maybe I hadn't remembered, but a lot of family things may have set me up to come to Panama. My grandparents visited Panama with their children almost forty years ago and I grew up with a wall hanging of about 30 Panamanian molas sewn into a quilt. My mother also wrote a short story about why she speaks Spanish but not Polish, and contributes it to her early influences of coming to Panama (hopefully she'll let me share it here).

I also reminded her of the very influential reason I needed to come to Panama, to live with monkeys. My all time absolute favorite book as a kid (Amelia Erhart picture book biography, a close second) was There were monkeys in my kitchen, Written by Sheree Finch, Illustrations by Marc Mongeau. Over and over I begged my mother to read this book to me. I think of it often when I hear the monkeys swinging from trees, and although there are no monkeys directly in my kitchen they are right outside and always hanging around...
Maybe someplace with elephants will be next...

Planets, dreams & the unexpected visitor

Quotes - Pinterest board

I've heard a lot this year: "I love that you're so independent and don't need anyone." It's a blessing and a curse to be lumped into that sentence. I'm glad that I inspire independence and yet it always makes me sad when my friends don't think I need them. I may be head strong in solving my own problems and going on my own trail without consulting anyone, but the cliche is true, no man is an Island, or Woman.

While my cousin was here I took a bad fall and hurt my foot. I was glad to have him around to help with things here and there. After saying goodbye to my cousin and other visitors I realized just how isolated I have made myself. Sure, there are people around but they're working, we can't just sit and have a coffee where they tell me intricate details about their lives. I have enjoyed my hermit styles but I'm ready to be reintegrated. I'm thankful everyday for the communication powers of the internet. It's the way I can connect with my friends and have great long talks over skype, quick notes in g-chat, sharing silly things on facebook. I was just chatting with Jenn when I realized that without the internet and technology, I wouldn't have been able to live so immersed in nature for six months, I would not have come across the house sitting opportunity out in the rainforest.

So, I've been mopey this past week! With the foot, and the constant rain, I've felt the guilt of not being a good "dog" mom. I haven't taken the pups on any good walks and haven't been able to roughhouse with them. I was finally open to some company. When I consciously have a daydream and make a shift in my mind, I feel my whole world shift, like I've sat down and said 'yes' wholeheartedly to something, so then I can direct myself to that new idea. I'll try to explain...

Let's Get Going - Pinterest board

Sitting at the table with my foot up drinking a tea, I started imagining having tea with someone beside me. Someone specific that I haven't spent a full 24hrs with since I was 16. Someone who occasionally makes me tear my hair out but is my best match at Scrabble. Someone who I love dearly, always have hope for, but may be tempted to throw in the back pond with caimans. 

As I was talking to my cousin, looking out at the white sandy beach, and at dogs that I consider kids, I remembered a strange dream during a period of nine months when this person and I weren't speaking to each other. In the dream I'm living with my family on a white sandy beach, and said person just shows up one day, and we stand there staring at each other. I have to decide if I'm gong to let them in. After a long discussion, "I would let them in now" I confess to my cousin. To everyone's surprise, two days later that someone announced a ticket bought, and a visit set. When I told my cousin the arrival dates he explained the planetary significance of Wednesday November 28th, it's the day of a full moon and the last lunar eclipse of the year, a time for radical changes, new opportunities and the opening of new paths.

I really enjoyed this quote that I found: Venus, Mercury, Saturn and the North Node are in Scorpio during the Gemini Eclipse. Reminding us that as we emerge out of Scorpio’s ashes of the past. We are processing pain, trust issues and betrayals. Yet, these negative emotions will fade into the mist with no lingering memories. As we move higher in vibration. We will be free from these ancient haunting happenings.

Also, in line with the having enough of being a content hermit, I've started dating someone! My last actual relationship wasn't since living in Toronto, and it ended in a way that left me pretty crushed. So, Here's to emerging out of the ashes of the past, being fiercely independent, while absolutely needing the wonderful people that have come into my life. 

Gift Ideas - Pinterest board

Hot Apple Cider Recipe

It's been cool (but not Toronto kinda cold) in these Europe parts so I've taken to making spiked hot apple cider for my hosts. It's been very well received and I'm learning that maybe it's more of a Canadian thing then 'of course everyone knows about this' kind of thing. (maybe?)

How To: make four cups of yummy apple cider 

In a double boiler or Baño Maria (Big pot has water, ingredients go in smaller pot that sits in the big pot)
4 mugs full of Box or can of Apple Juice (most natural possible)
About a Spoonful of Cinnamon (Use sticks over ground when you can)
About a Spoonful of Cloves or Allspice
Orange peel (approx. 3/4 of a regular sized orange, just skin it like you would a potato)
About a Spoonful of Maple Syrup (or honey)

Then you let the big pot boil to let the apple juice get hot and it will change colour. When the juice is almost boiling get out the mugs and add a little bit of rum at the bottom. Use a sieve (if you didn't use cloves then you probably don't need a sieve) and pour in the hot goodness. Serve, everyone enjoys.

I love learning how different parts of the world stay warm. In Spain they use a mesa-camia like a table-bed. There's a medium to small circular table with a table cloth over a blanket. Under is a little heater and everyone gathers around pulling the blanket over themselves to get toasty warm.