Samantha from Panama to Canada

I'm sad, a little heartbroken. I miss the jungle and the simple island life. When I got out of bed this morning I put on a long wool sweater and wool socks to take myself downstairs to breakfast. I'm back in Toronto and although there's no real snow yet, I could still see my breath when I went for a walk outside. I miss the jungle already. I have a nice desk in my room that looks out to a leaf-less tree... What happened to all the green I just saw? Culture shock is in motion.

I can't break the habit of using the waste bin in the bathroom for toilet paper instead of the toilet. I was so confused when I just turned the nob on the stove and didn't have any gas to light. I've been asked to not open any windows. After living with half walls, this is very hard for me, but it makes sense, we don't want to let all the cold air in and the hot air out. I feel like my skin has been sapped of all moisture. I was in 89% humidity and now down to central heating. I wake up in the middle of the night because it's too quiet, no fan, no chirps. 

Once I see my best friends, and my little cousins, and more family, I'll know I've made the right decision of coming back. I also came back to be responsible and make some money. I've spent all my savings, and gone into a bit of debt, nothing that a few months hard work in Toronto can't replenish. I'll probably get into my normal 'three jobs workaholic grind' in no time. I have an art studio and apartment to check on Monday, and at least two possible jobs I can start right away, but my mind keeps wandering to flight prices back to Panama.

Then I watch this video, all shot in Toronto. I know a trip downtown to my favorite places will also make this trip back North worth it. There are so many things I absolutely love about this city, I know in a few weeks it will all feel like home again.

Sometimes I just miss everywhere I've been... ♥

No matter how much I may enjoy where I am, I'll get a wave of missing where I've been. As a traveler I've been asked over and over, "Where's your favorite spot?". That's the hardest question to answer. Like when someone asks, 'What's your favorite movie, book, song?" How do you pick a favorite song when there are so many great ones? I don't think I'm the only one afflicted by this.

When I want constructed beauty with secret spots, I miss Paris. When I want loud laughter, sunshine and instant friends, I miss Barcelona. When I want to walk for miles from sun up to sun down, I miss the Camino. When I want to refuel on love, good food, and easy living, I miss the South of Spain. When I want to sit on the floor drinking wine, chatter over coffee, and laugh till I pee my pants, I miss Toronto.

I have one month till I return to Toronto. Ask me a month ago and I had very solid reasons for returning. I was very firm in why I was going back. I knew myself so well though that I bought a ticket then... because if I didn't, I'd get caught up in the moment, and who knows how many months it would be before I felt the pull to go back. I have important people to see, jobs to attend to, a life to 'get in order'. Right? Well, listening to the waves of the ocean, that all seems impossible. I've made promises that I need to keep, but otherwise I feel like everything else can wait. Maybe I have Bocas fever and a case of Hotel California Syndrome but I think it's safe to say, the 'live by the seat of your pants' is the lifestyle for me. I don't think I'll be grounded in one place for too long, even a place I've missed so much. I give myself three months before these itchy feet are ready to roam again. I cringe and smile to start the ticking clock, 30 days till I touch home snow.

  

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Photo credit starting from top, Paris by Jenn, Barcelona by Nat, Camino by Alex, South of Spain by Alex, Outside Toronto with Jus by Kate.

Paris (Week 3)

I'm living in Paris. So far I get giddy buying baguettes, chocolate croissants and pastries. The name 'bread-face' may follow me from Spain if I'm not careful (My Abuela stuffed me full of bread and cookies in Spain and they started calling me cara-pan or bread-face) I'm just outside Paris with a job in the centre of Paris. It seems I was a little over zealous and now I have a job, a part-time job, an apartment and a back-up apartment.
I have a Paris phone number but I can't figure out how to unlock my Spanish phone. Truly I don't mind not having a phone or internet in my apartment. It's really nice to just have some silence. As much as I love being a social butterfly I'm also part loner and hermit at heart. I more often seek solitude and quite places.
Yesterday I just cleaned my new apartment and walked around Paris by myself. Enjoying my first official day off where I didn't have to move house or work.
I like both my jobs and the apartment is so big it allows for an easel and a yoga mat. If I'm here long enough I'll have to get a sewing machine.
I've been contemplating a quick trip to Toronto. I miss everyone and I am homesick for the comfort that only a home town can give. As fun as exploring is I don't really want to explore for where to do laundry. As much as having no clean clothes is a great excuse to buy new clothes, I don't have the funds right now to keep doing that everyday. Although being a well trained bargain hunter (thanks Babi) I've found some amazing deals and spent less then 50€ on a new sweater, jeans, top, work clothes, pjs, leg warmers, leggings.
It is COLD in Paris this week. It actually snowed to nobodies delight but mine. The flurries didn't even touch the ground but it made me really happy. I missed snow.
As slowly as I try to sip my coffee it's at its end which only means one thing, time to seek out that laundromat...